Article 2: "Mayan apocalypse: panic spreads as December 21 nears"

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http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/9730618/Mayan-apocalypse-panic-spreads-as-December-21-nears.html

Source: The Telegraph


Fears that the end of the world is nigh have spread across the world with only days until the end of the Mayan calendar, with doomsday-mongers predicting a cataclysmic end to the history of Earth.

D says: Well from what I heard, the Mayans didn't use leap years, so the predicted apocalypse already happened.  Unless they predicted we would use leap years...but...Or people secretly create a zombie apocalypse, but that's not very safe because as a video gamer, my first reaction against zombies is to kill it...

By Nick Allen, Los Angeles, Malcolm Moore in Beijing and Tom Parfitt in Moscow

6:42PM GMT 07 Dec 2012


Ahead of December 21, which marks the conclusion of the 5,125-year "Long Count" Mayan calendar, panic buying of candles and essentials has been reported in China and Russia, along with an explosion in sales of survival shelters in America. In France believers were preparing to converge on a mountain where they believe aliens will rescue them.

D says: Do candles and essentials really save you from a powerful, full-on apocalypse?  And aliens rescue?  I think aliens are more likely the usurpers than the saviors...

The precise manner of Armageddon remains vague, ranging from a catastrophic celestial collision between Earth and the mythical planet Nibiru, also known as Planet X, a disastrous crash with a comet, or the annihilation of civilisation by a giant solar storm.

D says: Wouldn't that take a long time to reach Earth?  By the way, you can't even spell civilization.

In America Ron Hubbard, a manufacturer of hi-tech underground survival shelters, has seen his business explode.

D says: Well, at least not the chainsaw business for zombie believers.

"We've gone from one a month to one a day," he said. "I don't have an opinion on the Mayan calendar but, when astrophysicists come to me, buy my shelters and tell me to be prepared for solar flares, radiation, EMPs (electromagnetic pulses) ... I'm going underground on the 19th and coming out on the 23rd. It's just in case anybody's right."

D says: If you do survive with a shelter, what's the point of living if everything else is gone?

In the French Pyrenees the mayor of Bugarach, population 179, has attempted to prevent pandemonium by banning UFO watchers and light aircraft from the flat topped mount Pic de Bugarach.

D says:  UFO watchers need to be banned?  Is that a job?  Since when?  I should intern there, sounds stupid.

According to New Age lore it as an "alien garage" where extraterrestrials are waiting to abandon Earth, taking a lucky few humans with them.

D says: I like New Age music.  Very relaxing.  But I guess not the lore.

Russia saw people in Omutninsk, in Kirov region, rushing to buy kerosene and supplies after a newspaper article, supposedly written by a Tibetan monk, confirmed the end of the world.

D says: "Confirmed"???

The city of Novokuznetsk faced a run on salt. In Barnaul, close to the Altai Mountains, panic-buyers snapped up all the torches and Thermos flasks.

D says: Maybe the apocalypse is just the chaos caused by a panic such as this...

Dmitry Medvedev, the Russian prime minister, even addressed the situation.

D says: Tsar Peter the Great is rolling in his grave.

"I don't believe in the end of the world," before adding somewhat disconcertingly: "At least, not this year."

D says: Slightly better, not really.

In China, which has no history of preoccupation with the end of the world, a wave of paranoia about the apocalypse can be traced to the 2009 Hollywood blockbuster "2012".


The film, starring John Cusack, was a smash hit in China, as viewers were seduced by a plot that saw the Chinese military building arks to save humanity.

D says:  Stupid film, didn't make sense, no character development, random plot.  Maybe the failure of the film industry is the apocalypse.

Some in China are taking the prospect of Armageddon seriously with panic buying of candles reported in Sichuan province.

The source of the panic was traced to a post on Sina Weibo, China's version of Twitter, predicting that there will be three days of darkness when the apocalypse arrives.

D says:  Cool I guess Vegas will be finally like a normal city!

One grocery store owner said: "At first, we had no idea why. But then we heard someone muttering about the continuous darkness."

D says: Were they muttering from behind bars in a nuthouse?

Shanghai police said scam artists had been convincing pensioners to hand over savings in a last act of charity.

D says:  Trolls.  I think the Mayans were trolls, actually.

Meanwhile in Mexico, where the ancient Mayan civilisation flourished, the end time has been seen as an opportunity. The country has organised hundreds of Maya-themed events, and tourism is expected to have doubled this year.

Nasa has been aggressively seeking to dispel doomsday fears. It says there is no evidence Nibiru exists, and rumours it could be hiding behind the sun are unfounded.

"It can't hide behind the sun forever, and we would've seen it years ago," a Nasa scientist said.

The space agency also rejected apocalyptic theories about unusual alignments of the planets, or that the Earth's magnetic poles could suddenly "flip."

D says:  Thank you NASA please restore reason in these crazy people.

Conspiracy theorists contend that the space agency is involved in an elaborate cover up to prevent panic.

D says:  No.

But David Morrison, an astronomer at Nasa, said: "At least once a week I get a message from a young person, as young as 11, who says they are ill and/or contemplating suicide because of the coming doomsday. I think it's evil for people to propagate rumours on the internet to frighten children."

D says:  Why commit suicide if you think the world will end?  It's easier if you just let Planet X hit you in the face, you know.

Mayans themselves reject any notion that the world will end. Pedro Celestino Yac Noj, a Mayan sage, burned seeds and fruits to mark the end of the old calender at a ceremony in Cuba. He said: "The 21st is for giving thanks and gratitude and the 22nd welcomes the new cycle, a new dawn."

D says:  Wow, trolls.  Now please will people just calm down until a man-made apocalypse occurs?  Maybe like after there is no apocalypse and people start getting mad at each other for wasting time worrying?  Now that would really suck.  I think I should buy some bullet-proof vests...
Now I'm a hippocrate.